For A Minute There
by ConsultingCaffrey
Summary: After Kate's death, Neal was off for a while. He loved her, then lost her. It was hard to accept. Tumblr request, songfic


(I know, this one's short, but it's what got done first. I've been so busy omg but I'm getting to the other requests I've gotten. Almost done with a couple more. As always, thank you for reading, and enjoy!

Thank you, Tumblr anon for this fic request. Title comes from a song by Kent Blazy)

"Kate!"

The cry was loud and desperate, and Neal shot up in bed, eyes wide as they looked this way and that, convinced he'd see fire. But there was just darkness and his shout seemed to hang in the air, chasing away the silence of the night.

Neal fell back, hands over his eyes. That was the second time he'd been woken from a nightmare tonight. Now, he gave up on sleep.

The alarm by his bed displayed little glowing numbers that told him it was only one, which made him cover his face again with a low groan. He had to go into the office in the morning. Considering what had happened yesterday, he didn't really have a choice. It was bad enough having to face everyone in the office, knowing that they knew. But now he wasn't going to get any sleep.

His heartbeat finally began to slow, but that ill feeling in his stomach was still there. It had been there ever since the plane, and he was beginning to think it'd never go away. Maybe this was what people meant when they said love hurt.

By the time the first rays of sunlight began to spill over the New York skyline, he was up and ready. He told himself it was just another day at the office, but even he wasn't that good a liar. He wasn't convinced.

Walking onto the 21st floor, he smiled his usual smile and walked with confidence in his step, but it was all so fake it almost made him sick. Well, more fake that usual. Much more.

He could feel Peter's eyes on him already and throughout the day, that feeling of being watched never faltered. They all wanted to see a glimpse, they all wanted to watch him crack, but he refused. He was a con artist. Illusion was his masterpiece, and he never once gave them what they were waiting for.

He stayed late, still at his desk when Peter walked down and paused in front of him. "Neal?"

Neal glanced up, feigning surprise as he checked the clock on the wall. "Lost track of time," he said, which was a lie that he figured Peter would probably see right through, but he said it anyway. In reality, he hadn't wanted to stop working cases. He hadn't wanted to go home to an empty apartment and be left alone with silence that could only be filled with dreaded thoughts.

"Okay," Peter said, not calling him on it. "Just don't stay too late, alright?"

"I'm sure you'll be checking my anklet to make sure I don't," Neal said.

"Always do," Peter said.

Neal glanced at the clock again. "I should probably go anyway. You know how it is, cabinet full of wine, Moz has a problem with barriers..."

"Of course."

Peter waited for him to clear his desk and grab his jacket from the back of his chair, then they walked to the elevators together and rode down.

It was raining outside. Neal didn't mind rain. He'd walked home in worse, but then he'd had an umbrella those other times.

"I'll give you a ride," Peter said, seeming to be thinking the same thing. "Come on, you'll catch a cold if you walk home in that."

Neal readily agreed.

In the car, the wipers providing a steady noise to focus on, Neal lost himself to his thoughts again. Of course, they went straight to Kate, which made his heart ache, but he couldn't help it. How could he not think of her?

Peter seemed to sense that now was a time to keep his mouth shut and just drive, which Neal appreciated, but at the same time, he loathed the silence.

-)()(-

Peter wanted to speak, to ask Neal what was on his mind (stupid question he already knew the answer to), or tell him "it's okay, you can talk to me about anything" much like a father would say to his son (he wasn't Neal's father and he shouldn't act like it).

He knew what Neal must be going through. Yesterday, he'd seen his girlfriend die in an explosion, today he was expected to go right back to doing what he always did on any regular Tuesday. No time to process or properly grieve. No wonder he was shaky and quiet.

When they got to June's, Neal gave him a quick smile and thanked him for the ride before getting out of the car and stepping into the rain.

Peter expected him to run inside to get out of it, and for a second, it looked like that was exactly what he was going to do, but then Neal seemed to freeze, stopping in his tracks and letting the rain soak him. Peter almost rolled down the window and called out to him, but then he noticed the girl further down the sidewalk.

She had an umbrella, but she was walking quickly, eager to get out of the rain. If Peter didn't know better, he'd have sworn it was Kate, miraculously back from the dead. Neal seemed to see it too and he didn't move an inch, still as a statue. He watched, and after a moment he seemed to snap out of it, hunching his shoulders and jogging the rest of the way to the door, but Peter had seen it. The haunted look in his eyes, full of pain and sorrow.

He watched as the woman walked past his car. No, she wasn't Kate. Her hair was too short and the way she moved was more timid. But it was close. Too close. His heart ached for Neal as he drove the rest of the way home.

-)()(-

For a minute there, Neal knew it was her. He was sure of it.

For a minute there, he'd been so happy. She had faked her death. He should have seen it coming.

For a minute there, he felt his sadness lift. They would laugh about this years from now together, sitting on a beach with their kids playing in the water.

But then that minute ended and he was hit with cold reality once again.

Kate was gone.

And she was never coming back.


End file.
